Into Everyone's Life A Little Rain Must Fall
by Aviv b
Summary: Jack, Ianto, alien gas attack, silliness and rain. Good times!


Summary: **Jack, Ianto, alien gas attack, silliness and rain. Good times! **Written for a schmoop bingo challenge over on LJ. The prompt was: **"Caught in the Rain"****  
****  
**A/N: Set a couple of years after Season 2. And as always, there's no CoE in my universe . (There is one reference to Ianto's Night which comes from the previous schmoop story, Silent Love . but you don't have to have read it to understand this story). The cursing is from a Welsh phrase site, so hopefully the translation is accurate.

* * *

Owen looked at their latest blood gas readings. "Whatever was in your bloodstreams seems to have dissipated. Just do me a favor and stick together tonight...which I don't think will be a problem for the two of you."

Jack and Ianto laughed.

"Yes, hysterical. Seriously, it doesn't look like that alien gas has done any damage to the two of you, but no strenuous activity and if either of you feels at all unwell I want you to call me immediately." The two men nodded. "Right, then I'm off," Owen said grabbing his coat and heading for the door.

As the cog door closed behind Owen, Jack and Ianto were still laughing. "You know what night it is?" Jack teased. Ianto shook his head. "It's Wednesday night, Ianto's Night."

"That's right! We haven't done that in several years, have we?"

"No, but that's only cause every night is Ianto night now," Jack said suggestively.

"You heard the man, no strenuous activity."

"Spoil sport."

The Cardiff Police had contacted Torchwood in the late afternoon after receiving several reports of a purple ghostlike figure walking through The Queen's Arcade. Jack, Ianto and Gwen had gone over to assess the situation. The police had evacuated the area and Gwen stayed behind to help question those who had seen the apparition. The police always appreciated Gwen's help; she was so good with tea and sympathy. Especially the tea. There were only three witnesses, so after buying them a nice hot cuppa, and speaking to them a bit, she told the officer in charge that they didn't have any helpful information and to send the witnesses home.

Meanwhile Jack and Ianto had quickly located and subdued the alien. Due to its spectral wavelength it did look a bit like a ghost; you could look right through it to the other side. But it was a solid life form, that much was clear when they grabbed it by its upper limbs. They felt the solidness of the being for a moment and then it began to decompose. Before their eyes, the creature began to leak purple liquid and decrease in size. Within two minutes the creature was gone, leaving a small puddle and a final puff of gas.

Ianto and Jack choked a bit on the gas…it burned their lungs and made them feel a bit dizzy and nauseous.

Jack radioed Gwen for assistance and when she saw them both having dry heaves she called Owen who quickly joined her. They mopped up the small puddle into a containment vessel, and Owen took Jack and Ianto back to the Hub. Gwen stayed behind to tell the police that it had just been a kid in a Halloween costume.

"I sent him home. He was terrified when Jack and Ianto ran toward him with guns drawn. Poor kid wet his pants, so there may be a little wet spot on the floor. Get someone to disinfect the area and we should be fine."

As she got into Owen's car (he had taken Jack and Ianto back in the SUV) she heard one of the officers mumble, "Stupid American traditions, scaring the daylights out of those nice old grannies."

"_You don't know the half of it,"_ Gwen thought smiling.

By the time they reached the Hub, Jack and Ianto had stopped gagging. They both felt a little light headed so after examining them and finding no obvious physical damage Owen ran blood chemistries on both of them. Not surprisingly, the gas had entered their blood streams suppressing their oxygen absorption rate.

"Just going to put you both on supplemental oxygen for a bit, you probably feel dizzy like you would at high altitude since your blood is carrying a bit less oxygen than it normally would." He wanted to use masks but he knew that Ianto had an issue with claustrophobia so he used nasal cannula instead. It would probably take a bit longer for them to recover, but it wasn't like he had a train to catch.

Gwen arrived back at the Hub and filled everyone in on the conclusion of the alien incursion. Ianto tried to ask a question but ended up wheezing and struggling to catch his breath.

"Oi, no talking, just breathing," Owen scolded.

Tosh made everyone tea and they sat around waiting for the next round of tests. By the third set of hourly tests Jack and Ianto's blood oxygen concentration was almost 90% of normal.

"I think we're safely out of the woods, so why don't you two go home," Jack told Gwen and Tosh.

Neither woman wanted to leave, but when Owen told them it could be several more hours or perhaps even overnight until Jack and Ianto were 100%, they gave in and left.

Finally at 10 PM, their test results were at 98.5% of normal and Owen removed the supplemental oxygen.

After he left, Jack and Ianto made there way to Jack's office. Jack got out his decanter of scotch and poured each of them a small glass. Ianto was a little concerned about having alcohol but Jack just scoffed.

"Consider it an après ski drink. You're down from the mountains now, so one drink isn't going to hurt you."

Made sense to Ianto. He had never been skiing but he did like to tramp in the hills around Cardiff, and he always had a few beers after a hike.

So they sat around Jack's office, having a few friendly drinks, playing a couple of hands of poker and joking about purple aliens.

"It's stuffy in here, let's go outshide," Ianto suggested.

"Where exactly is 'outshide?'" Jack teased.

"Ok, I'm a little tipsy, but I still want to go…uh…out of here."

Jack and Ianto made there way out of Jack's office and into the main area of the Hub. "Let's take the indivisible lift."

"You're drunk Mr. Jones."

"I am not," Ianto replied petulantly. "_HIC_, ok maybe a little." They stumbled over to the lift and stepped on.

"Oohh, be careful," Jack warned. "You don't want to fall off and land on your bum."

"If I did would you kiss it all better?"

"Indubiti…indubi…yes, I would," Jack said giggling.

"Cor, you're drunk too."

"Am not."

"Are too." They continued to argue as the lift rose to the Plaza only to discover it was drizzling.

"See that's the problem with the lift. You have to get a weather report before you use it. You didn't happen to bring a brelli, did you?"

"No. Ianto guess what? Its raining and I'm drunk too," Jack stated emphatically.

"See I told you so," Ianto said stumbling off the lift. "Watch that first step…its kind of tricky."

The two men stood in the rain grinning at each other. As it started to rain harder, Jack began to run in circles. "I love the rain. Rain is nice. I like to sing. And I like the rain." Jack began singing the song 'Singing in the Rain.' Loudly.

"Shhh, Jack someone will hear you and we'll be in trouble," Ianto said laughing.

"I'm not singing that loud," Jack yelled at the top of his lungs. "It's raining men hallelujah," Jack sang but since he didn't know the rest of the words to the song he hesitated a moment and then sang the same line again.

Ianto sat down on the plaza. He couldn't stop laughing and it just seemed like an awful lot of effort to stand.

Jack ran in circles around him continuing to sing. "Ring around the Ianto, Pocket full of cointreau, ashes, ashes, we all fall down." Jack flopped down on the plaza next to Ianto.

"Jack it's raining and we're wet!"

"No, I have my indivisible shield on and I'm dry and no one can see me," Jack said staggering back on his feet.

Apparently this was not the case as a policeman began to walk toward them from the end of the plaza.

"You are in big trouble Jack, you're going to get arrested."

"You're the one who's drunk, not me"

"You're the one making the noise."

"I am not."

"You are too."

The policeman approached.

"Quick Ianto, act sober."

"Sure…hee…hee." Ianto said trying to stand up and falling back down in a splash.

"What's all this then." It was PC Andy.

"I'm drunk and he's singing." Ianto volunteered.

"Yes, I can see that. Is this a special celebration for the whole team or a private party for you two?" Andy snarked.

"It's our own most privately private celebration, but if you ask nice, we might let you celebrate with us."

Andy ignored the offer. "And what are you celebrating exactly?"

"A purple alien farted on us earlier and now we're drunk," Jack whispered conspiratorially to Andy. "But you can't tell anyone, it's a secret."

"Yeah, I heard about your spookie-doo over at The Queen's Arcade earlier today. Gwen told the officer on duty that it was a kid dressed for Halloween."

"Gwen's a liar. It was a purple farting alien." Ianto said looking serious and then giggling again as Jack helped him to his feet.

"Ianto, she didn't lie, she made up a cover story so no one would know that we have big bad aliens here," Jack said.

"Liar, liar pants on fire. Gweniviere, big fat rear, flaming knickers make us cheer," Ianto chanted in glee.

"That's mean, Ianto, don't say that about our Gwen."

Ianto looked chastened. "Ok, but can I talk about your arse then?" Jack and Ianto both started laughing again and slapping each other on the butt.

Andy wished his cell phone had a camera. His mates at the station would love to see this. But then, Gwen and Rhys would be upset and he didn't want that. Andy sighed. Best to get Jack and Ianto off the plaza before they attracted onlookers.

"Ok, that's enough, then. I'm going to drive you home to Ianto's house."

Ianto and Jack started to protest so Andy threatened them with arrest. "I dare you to arrest us," Ianto teased.

"I'll let you put handcuffs on me if I can kiss you, Andy," Jack snarked.

"No handcuffs, no kisses and no more singing. I mean it!" Andy said in a commanding tone of voice.

Jack seemed to realize that Andy was truly angry. "Ianto shhh or we are going to be in big trouble for really real."

Ianto was still riding a comfortable buzz and couldn't have cared if the Earth had imploded at that moment.

"Andy, I'm drunk. And I want to kiss you. I've never kissed a ginger before."

"You'll be kissing my baton if you don't watch your mouth."

"Ooohhhh. He wants you to kiss his baton," Jack said in mock-shock. "And he hasn't even bought you dinner," Jack said breaking into laughter again.

_"Why me," _Andy thought as he finally got Jack and Ianto loaded into his patrol car. He drove them to Ianto's flat which was only about ten minutes away. Helping them out of the car he warned them sternly about disturbing the neighbors.

"You go into your flat, and stay there. If I get another call about you tonight, you are going to be arrested. I mean it."

Jack and Ianto could barely walk. Ianto tripped up over a kerb, landing flat on his face. Andy ran over to see if he was Ok. As he rolled Ianto over, Ianto opened his eyes. "Kiss me you fool," he said trying to pull Andy down in a kiss.

"That's it." Andy was beginning to lose his patience. He grabbed Ianto by the collar and hauled him to his feet. He got the men up to the flat where Jack was able to open the door. Andy roughly pushed both men inside. "And stay there until you sober up."

Inside Ianto's flat both men sat on the entryway floor laughing.

"Duw, you made Andy mad," Ianto chided Jack.

"I did not. You were the one who came on to him."

"Well I only did cause I knew you fancied him," Ianto retorted.

"I loved when he got all gruff and threatened you with his baton."

"He's a manly man, our Andy."

"You're my manly man," Jack said putting his head on Ianto's lap.

"And you're my manly man too. We are both manly men and we're way more manly than Andy," Ianto said.

"Yes we are," Jack agreed.

"But I'm more manly than you; I have hair on my chest," Ianto said unbuttoning his shirt. "You're skin is like a girl's."

Jack unzipped his trousers. "I'm not like a girl at all. See."

"Put that away. I'm not kissing your baton either tonight."

Jack frowned and moved over closer to Ianto. "Can I tell you a secret?" he whispered.

"What?" Ianto whispered back.

"You're my favoritest and onlyest boyfriend."

Ianto smiled. "Can I tell you a secret? You are the most wonderfulest boyfriend I've ever had. And the onlyest."

Ianto leaned over to kiss Jack and lost his balance falling against Jack harder than he had intended. Jack fell backwards onto the floor smacking his head against the tile.

"OW. That hurt. Will you kiss it all better?" Ianto clamored onto Jack but then couldn't figure out how to turn him over.

"I'll have to kiss you really hard on this side and then it will travel through to the back of your head," he said kissing Jack enthusiastically if not a bit clumsily.

"Oh, I think I need another one, my head still hurts."

"Ok," Ianto said snogging Jack again.

Both men sighed. "I could stay like this forever," Ianto said.

"'M too," Jack said sleepily. Soon both men were fast asleep.

The hangovers they had in the morning were not to be believed.

"Duw, what are we doing on the floor soaking wet?" Ianto asked as he woke up.

"Not too clear on what happened last night. I feel like I've been retconned," Jack said sitting up and holding his head.

Ianto lurched to his feet and felt the room spin. "I remember the alien, and the Hub and having a couple of drinks."

"Yeah, me too…and Andy on the Plaza…and shit was I really singing at the top of my lungs?"

"Hell, yes you were. And were we trying to seduce Andy? Tell me we didn't do that."

"Afraid so. I think Andy drove us home. There was something about a baton and spanking and…" Jack couldn't remember the rest.

"Duw, did we sit on the floor and talk schmoopy to each other?" Ianto said clutching his stomach.

Jack grinned. A stern look from Ianto wiped the smile off his face. "We had a schmoopy conversation while claiming to be manly men."

"Good thing no one recorded us or they'd take away our official manly men cards." Suddenly Ianto felt his stomach lurch.

As he ran to the bathroom Jack had the nerve to laugh at him. "Hey real men can hold their liquor."

"Cachau bant Haliwr," * Ianto yelled back.

While Ianto was indisposed, Jack's cell rang. It was Owen and he wasn't happy. "I ran into Andy this morning and he had an interesting story to tell me about you and Ianto."

Jack snorted.

"Are you fuckin' out of your mind?" Owen yelled. "You could have killed yourself. Oh that's right, you come back, it just would have been Ianto who would be dead!"

Jack suddenly felt decidedly unwell. "Owen, not feeling good. We'll see you tomorrow."

"I'm coming over later, like it or not."

Jack sighed and ended the call. Ianto stumbled out of the bathroom looking green. Jack felt sick at the sight…literally. Jack ran into the bathroom and slammed the door just in time. When he came out, Ianto had put on some sweats and was in bed sleeping. Jack grabbed some pyjama bottoms and slipped into bed beside Ianto.

"Ianto."

"Hmm."

"You really are my favorite and only boyfriend."

"tha's nice… you're m' only favorite too."

Jack smiled and closed his eyes. They'd deal with Owen later.

* * *

* Fuck off wanker.


End file.
